One of the real nuisances of the internet is that people are given incredible tools of communication, yet are complete dickheads about using it. Maybe because I'm older, and have been using internet E-mail since 1990 and E-mail on local BBSes since 1985. I don't see E-mail as being fundamentally different from written post mail, except it's more convenient. But how I write the E-mail is pretty much the same.

If I E-mail a stranger, I start with a "Dear so-and-so", "To Whom it May Concern" etc, and then a brief self-introduction. I don't know HOW many E-mails I'Ve received that lack this basic courtesy. I think part of the problem is that E-mail is TOO convenient, that people can whip out an E-mail without taking the time to think about what they're writing about in the first place. People can send off these things so easily, that they don't bother to construct their message or think about the fact that they are sending E-mail to a complete stranger.

I think the internet gives a false feeling of intimacy between strangers. People can read all of the strips and feel closer to me, not realizing that I don't particularly feel any closer to them. So when I open up my mailbox and get an E-mail from a stranger, I expect that these people will act like strangers, not my best friend. And I expect to see E-mail constructed like it is their first time E-mailing me, not something they typed in without barely any thought.

So in the E-mails I get, I get lots of spelling mistakes, barely any attempt to show that they have a grasp of the basics of grammar, ill-formed ideas that don't make a lot of sense (possibly because they typed it before they thought of how to say it). If you received an E-mail like that, what would you think of the person? That they are careless at best, retarded at worst. That's the impression I get when I look at these E-mails.

My suggestion is, before one sends an E-mail out to a stranger, to read it and think to themselves, "What would the person on the other end think of me by reading this letter?"

And to me, if the person hasn't bothered to take the time to present what they have to say decently ... it's not worth my time to reply. I'm not saying that to be snotty -- but for God's sake, would it kill people to try to sound at least somewhat educated???

My thesis advisor at University pounded it into me -- "If you can't write something so it's easily understandable ... then you shouldn't be writing anything at all."

Ironically, I also get people who's first language is obviously not English writing me, and they put far more effort into their writing than average Joe AOLer. Those English learners make occasional mistakes in grammar but Joe AOLer makes errors due to extreme sloppiness. It's sad when a person whose second language being English is more able to construct an understandable sentence than some guy who has been speaking the language all his life.

So for those people unable to figure out for themselves how to create a letter meant for a stranger's eyes, here are some tips:

• Use a greeting. "Dear so and so," etc, is a good start. You wouldn't start a conversation with a stranger off the street (let alone a good friend) without some sort of greeting, so why would you skip that in E-mail? Also don't be a dork when writing it. I got one that said "Dear Hard or [real name] or whatever." Did that person honestly think I'm going to reply kindly to that?
• You are not Prince. using R, U, 2, B, L8R just means you're lazy.
• Please figure out how to use "there" "their" "they're" and other homonyms.
• I am not your best friend, you are a complete stranger. That's cool, I like E-mails from strangers. But don't talk to me like I'm your best friend, asking me personal questions and that sort of thing. Think about what you would say to someone if meeting them in person. Chances are if it's offensive in person it's not going to be any better in E-mail.

Basically the general rule is this -- if you write to anybody, and want a reply, write the kind of letter that you think would get a reply from that person.

And finally -- some people are just too busy to reply to every E-mail they get. I'M not in this position just yet, but sending someone an E-mail doesn't necessarily mean you'll get a reply. I see a lot of people bitching when their favorite web personality doesn't reply to their E-mails, and to be quite frank, they're not obligated to read or reply to anything you send them. I'm lucky that my E-mail volume doesn't even come close to some of these people. And even for myself, I'd rather be working on the next web comic than explaining for the hundreth time why I won't draw Kenta fucking his mom.

However, I do sometimes receive really nicely written E-mails, and they are always a pleasure to reply to.

... on Internet Messengers

I used to have my AIM address on the site. And when I did, I'd sometimes get this kind of conversation popping on my screen:

This kind of thing was happening all the time. People with nothing to say would IM me, and I can't express how annoying it is.

Please, if one is going to IM someone... please have something to say. "Hi" is NOT something to say. A question... an interesting comment.... SOMETHING.

Imagine someone walking up to your front door, knocking on it, and saying "Hi." You respond, but he just stands there making small talk, and you wonder what the hell he wants. When you ask him, he says he wanted to say "Hi." Then he leaves. Sound stupid? Well that's what it's like when these people IM me. IT'S THE SAME FUCKING THING.

To date, not ONE stranger has IMed me with "I'm sorry to interrupt" or "Are you busy?" or anything like that. If they did, I'd know 1) that they know they are intruding on whatever I am currently doing on the computer and 2) that I have a polite way out if I AM busy. They are giving me the CHOICE of talking with them, much better than them just saying "Hello" and me trying to wean their intentions out of them.

I've since stopped using the AIM, and I have been called a snob for not responding to these kinds of people... but if people are being idiots at the door, why should I let them in?

Anyways, I got a lot of stuff off my chest. Feel free to E-mail me, but just put a little thought into it, and I'll be sure to write a reply with a little thought into it as well. Thank you so much.

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